Envy and all it’s fantastic fun.

It’s pretty unusual for me to feel jealousy very strongly. I typically find the things in my life to be incredibly satisfactory and I consider myself lucky to possess such assets. Occasionally though, I will hear just the wrong things on just the right days and I will cringe at the thought of my own path in life compared to their’s. It’s unfortunate that such trivial things affect me in such a drastic manner, but it is still something that has to be dealt with.

I have made all the decisions that affect the lifestyle I lead personally . My room is in tatters because I have left it that way. I go to a sub-par college because I chose not to test my ambition. I study now because I choose to attempt to rise above my current living standards. The frustration draws from seeing someone else already living the standards toward which I am striving. Austin. Done it. Comms program. In it. Enjoying life and meeting people. The car already has gas and is warming up in the parking lot.

It’s foolish for me to think such things are unattainable, and it is also foolish to think I deserve them NOW when I haven’t worked nearly as hard as the person enjoying those activities. I long to prove myself to myself, and until I feel that I have; I will always succumb to the jealousy I have for other people’s lives.

The feeling is always temporary, lasting from an hour to a night, and it typically remedied by asking someone else for their help. I asked for it tonight; I will more than likely do so again. But I know that I will only really have reason to be jealous when I have no one left to ask for help, because wealth in life is drawn from the people around you.

Keep them. Keep sane.

 

Until next.

–Chris